every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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