I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
