Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
