last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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