i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
