i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
