Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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