she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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