dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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