so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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