So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize