I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
