My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
