2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize