my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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