before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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