Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
