i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
