If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
