Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
