I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize