drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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