I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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