I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
