Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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