we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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