I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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