This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
