His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
