all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
