I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
