I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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