IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
