It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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