And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize