Your dad touched me again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
