If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
