went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry about my life...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
