I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize