she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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