Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
