she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
