dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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