i don't like sucking hair
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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