cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
