he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize