he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
