i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
