I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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