I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
