dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
