I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
