There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My cat gives me a boner
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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