Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
