I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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