Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
