Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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