you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
