there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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