I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
