Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize