Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize