I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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