Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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