Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize