one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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