I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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