if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
